What Netflix’s Adolescence Taught Me About Talking to Teens & Why Jewish Wisdom Shows Us a Way Forward
Posted on 05/09/2025 @ 06:00 AM
The new Netflix miniseries Adolescence is haunting.
It pulls no punches as it unpacks what it means to grow up today, where the line between online and offline is increasingly invisible, and increasingly dangerous.
As the show follows 13-year-old Jamie Miller, who is accused of a horrific act, it forces viewers to confront the social and emotional weight our kids carry.
As a parent, educator, and someone who works closely with hundreds of teens each year, it stuck with me.
But what stayed with me even more than the plot was the silence. The missed conversations. The too-late questions.
It is a reminder that we cannot wait for something to go wrong to open up conversations with our kids or grandkids. The time is now.
Start With Curiosity, Not Judgment
In the series, Jamie’s psychologist tells him, “What you think is more important to me than what is true.”
That one line is a roadmap for how we should be talking with the young people in our lives - especially about technology and social media.
When we lead with curiosity, when we create space for them to be heard rather than corrected, we build trust.
That trust is the foundation for our teens’ growth, safety, and accountability.
Jewish Wisdom for a Digital Age
Judaism has always offered frameworks for intentional living.
As we navigate the uncharted waters of raising teens in a digital age, these Jewish values are more relevant than ever:
- Shmirat HaLashon (Guarding our Speech): A reminder to think before we post and make sure our words are necessary, truthful and kind.
- Tzelem Elohim (Created in the Image of G!d): A call to see and treat others online with dignity and care as befitting human beings made in the Divine Image.
- Hesed (Loving-Kindness): A challenge to use our platforms not for harm or comparison, but for justice and compassion.
The 24/6 Framework: A Digital Pause for the Soul
Perhaps one of the most powerful contributions to the modern conversation about screen-use is the ancient practice of Shabbat, reimagined by filmmaker and author Tiffany Shlain as a “Technology Shabbat,” a call to live with screens only 24/6.
One day a week, we are invited to pause. To unplug. To look each other in the eye. To hear our own breath. To reclaim our time and attention from the endless scroll.
This is not about rejecting technology; rather, it’s about creating sacred boundaries around it.
In my work with teens and families, I often see how young people are desperate for rest, even if they do not have the words for it.
A weekly digital pause, modeled by adults and embraced by families, can become an anchor in a sea of constant noise.
Shabbat offers us that anchor. It says: You are enough without being online. Your worth is not measured by your notifications.
Research Meets Reality
In my recent dissertation exploring Jewish teen mindfulness and digital engagement, teens expressed a deep yearning for presence and connection – that is, real connection, not virtual.
When given space to practice mindfulness, their emotional well-being and self-awareness increased, and they reported feeling more in control of their digital lives.
What we sometimes see as “screen addiction” is often a cry for something more grounding, more human, more sacred.
This research only confirms what Jewish tradition has taught for centuries: intention, reflection, and community matter. When we model this for our children and grandchildren, we give them tools to flourish. Not just online, but in life.
Introducing the Reflective Connection Framework™
In response to what I observed both in the field and in my research, I developed the Reflective Connection Framework™ a tool designed to help educators and adults engage Jewish teens in conversations that are emotionally grounded, spiritually rooted, and culturally relevant.
This approach invites: Presence over distraction. Listening over lecturing. Reflection over reaction.
Whether discussing antisemitism, identity, or digital life, this framework empowers adults to ask the right questions, notice what is unsaid, and cultivate meaningful connections that last.
To learn more about piloting the Reflective Connection Framework™ in your community or educational setting, please contact me at carlyorshan@caje-miami.org.
How We Move Forward
- Talk to your teens before you think they are ready. Believe me, they are ready.
- Ask open-ended questions. Not just “How was your day?” but “What did you see online today that makes you feel inspired? Confused? Upset?”
- Create digital pauses together. Whether it is Shabbat or a “no-phones dinner,” build small habits of disconnection from the phone so the whole family can connect in deeper ways without it.
Adolescence is not easy.
Let us help our teens write a different story. A story built on reflection, resilience, and real connection. We owe it to them. And we owe it to ourselves.
Reflection Prompt: For the Dinner Table or the Drive Home
Choose one of these questions to ask your child or grandchild:
- What is one thing you saw online this week that made you feel something—anything?
- Have you ever felt overwhelmed by what people expect from you on social media?
- If you could create your own “Shabbat” from screens, what would that look like for you?
Resources for Families and Educators
- JTEENMiami.org: Explore programs and learning opportunities for Jewish teens in Miami.
- Shabbat Manifesto: Ideas and tools to help your family reclaim a weekly tech pause.
- Reader Guide to Tiffiny Shlain’s 24/6 Book: A discussion companion to deepen your understanding of a Technology Shabbat and unplugging.
- Common Sense Media: Independent reviews and guidance on digital trends, social media apps, and screen time recommendations.
© 2025 Carly Orshan. Reflective Connection Framework™. All rights reserved.
